Riviera Counselling Service

Jeff Steedman Quotes

The following quotes have been written by Jeff Steedman

they may be quoted elsewhere, as long as the author is acknowledged.

 

"It is the action of love which ensures a relationship works, not the feeling"

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

Violence cannot be stopped with violence, it can only be slowed down.

In the end the only cure for violence is to create a world where people are able to meet their needs

in fair and reasonable ways.

Most people are happy and choose to live peacefully when their needs are met.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“If hard work never killed anybody, why is it that so many who work really hard die so young?”

Start working smarter instead of harder”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

"Truth is what we agree on till more information comes along"

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

A friend is how you are, not who you are!

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Misfortune didn’t cause you to be this way.

Hard as it might seem,

it is always possible and never too late

to choose how to be.”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“What I want is only one version of what I need”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

I don’t despair for humanity’s future

because I have the utmost respect for our ability to find creative answers to any problem we face.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“I knew it!……And so it was!“

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“The best way to get started is to start“

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Love is friendship on turbocharge”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Be careful what you assume,

because your assumptions often become your reality”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Houston, we have a problem….

Apollo 13, there is always an answer!”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“I intend to change the world, one action at a time.

It doesn’t matter how small that action is,

because everything I do has some effect.”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“When you know what someone needs,

you have the key to satisfying them,

when you know what you need,

you have the key to satisfying yourself,

when you know what you both need,

you have the key to a satisfying relationship.”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

Those who follow the rules

never change the world.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

"While chance influences our future,

it is choice that determines it."

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

"Self evaluation is the true road to enlightenment"

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Whoever you are,

be the best “you” you can be!”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

Forget about revenge

And choose success instead

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

It is not power that corrupts,

it is the hunger to control others that does so.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

Behaving ethically

is about meeting your needs

in ways which are not abusive of others needs.

Jeff Steedman 2017 

 

Our destiny is defined by the choices we make.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Perfection does not exist, but there is quality,

which of course can always be improved”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Behaviour is much harder to learn than maths and other disciplines

because the rules and outcomes keep changing,

I’ve been trying to get it right my whole life and still haven’t perfected it.”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

Life is like rafting down a river for the first time, you never know what’s around the next bend.

It could be a calm and peaceful section, a series of rapids or even a waterfall to plummet over.

Whilst you can’t do anything about how the river runs, you are in control of how you navigate it.

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“The only thing deliberately putting someone out of their comfort zone achieves is discomfort. Deliberately creating discomfort can lead to disconnection as we begin to mistrust the person who thinks it is okay to treat us like that. Any growth which might occur comes from our own internal motivation, and we are in charge of that.”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“How ironic it is

to observe someone who is so busy mourning the opportunities they missed in the past,

that they keep missing the opportunities in front of them today”

Jeff Steedman 2017

 

“Maturity comes from the internal growth of the mind,

not the external age of the body”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“What a clever marketing idea it is
to convince people they are time poor
so they can be sold things they don’t need,
to do things they could easily do themselves
and work harder and longer to afford them”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“There is no such thing as external motivation,

every motivation that ever existed came from within”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“Stop kidding yourself that you are training your kids,

from the moment they were born,

they started figuring out how to get you to run around and do things for them.”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“No matter how awful or brilliant something is, if you wait a while it will change.

If you also choose to do something about it,

the change is likely to be faster and more positive.”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“Wisdom comes from taking responsibility for our own behaviours and feelings

and constantly self evaluating how we can improve them.”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“When you walk a mile in my shoes,

it won’t necessarily change how you see things,

because you can only see through your eyes not mine ”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“What happened to you 20 years ago really doesn’t matter so much

if what you are doing today is satisfying.“

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

"A great partner is like a sea anchor holding you steady as the storm passes,

while not stopping your progress or setting your direction at any time"

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“Empathy

is the mistaken belief

you know what it's like for the other.”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“A friendly deed, makes a friend indeed”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“Men and women are like the opposite sides of the same coin,

each side looks different but is equal in value.”

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

“The best way to stop depressing
is to do all the things you are too depressed to do!"

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

At the root of every new idea, are all the ideas which came before it.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

You could be right and there is no heaven or hell,

but it might make good sense to live your life as though there is.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Giving advice is more about what’s right for you,
than what's right for the other.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

You can never fail if you never try, but then again you can’t succeed either

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Maybe it was meant to happen, maybe not!

In any case what you do about it is still up to you

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

When life is not working out the way you want, try changing your picture of how you see things at the moment, your picture of how you believe they should be, or the behaviours you are using to get yourself there. A change in any one, or all three of these will lead to a better outcome.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The surest way to have a miserable life,

is to keep blaming he, she, it, or they, for everything that is not going right for you!

Blame fixes nothing.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Nearly every behaviour you have is learned, and that’s great news
…..because if what you learned is no longer working for you,
you can choose something better to replace it.
Jeff Steedman 2016
 

Rules and laws can only work while most of us agree with them, once that agreement is removed no amount of coercion can do any more than delay their eventual overturning.

This is a lesson every oppressor in history failed to understand.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

It seems a shame to wait until your imminent death to self evaluate your life

and decide that there were things you didn't do well.

Perhaps if you self evaluate now and choose different behaviours

you will have little to regret when your time does come.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The job of teaching is to instruct the learner,
the art of teaching is to create a learning environment.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Between the moment you are born and the moment you die,

you are presented with countless challenges and opportunities.

The part you can control is what you choose to do about them.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The day I stop blaming others for my unhappiness,

is the day I free myself to be happy.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

It’s not easy to change the things which are not working in your life,

but it’s a whole lot harder to keep doing them.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

They say there is no “I" in Team,

but I prefer to think there are lots of “I”s,

each contributing in their own way to create the team.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

You can be a victim of your past or the hero of your future, it's your choice

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The biggest impediment to producing quality work is how those in charge lead.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

It is said that the pen is mightier than the sword,

but I believe how I choose to think is mightier than both.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Marriage is at it’s best when you know you are great on your own,

but better with your partner.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

When we spend time it is gone,

when we invest time there is a return.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

When we stop trying to control those we care about,

we remove the mystery from love

while leaving the magic firmly in place.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

It’s a fine line between pleasure and happiness, the difference is that pleasure is transitory, requires a particular behaviour to be repeated and doesn’t last, whilst happiness is long lasting, infuses all we do and has the potential for unending growth.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The essence of our humanity

is that even when we think we have no choice,

we always do!

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

The true heroes are everyone who lives their life as well as they can,

despite the adversity they encounter.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Self Evaluation,

not self criticism, blame or judgement,

lights the path to self improvement.

Try figuring out what you can do to make things better,

rather than just focussing on what went wrong.

Jeff Steedman 2016

 

Choice Theory,

the gift that keeps on giving.

When we use internal control psychology,

we will never know how far the ripples have spread, in time or in space.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

 What we want is only one way of getting what we need.

Knowing that, means we can be more creative about getting our needs met.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Reactions are merely actions practised so often they become your first choice,

but they are still a choice!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

A funny human trait is to remember the things which coincide with what we believe

and discount the things which don’t.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Always trust your gut instinct that something is not right….then self evaluate!

It may well be your perception is askew, or the picture you are comparing it to is not reasonable or attainable. Our gut might tell us when something doesn’t feel right,

it can’t tell us why it doesn’t feel right, or what to do about it.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Never give control of your emotions to others.

Whether you choose to laugh or cry,

make sure it remains your choice!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Self evaluation does not involve blame, judgement or criticism.

It is about improving who and how you choose to be.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

The latest neuroscience confirms what Choice Theory teaches about what makes people tick and how to be happy! 

We all have the capacity to reshape our brains and learn more effective behaviours.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

When someone you love is struggling, the best thing you can do is keep loving them

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Change starts with a thought, followed by action

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Instead of could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, 

try using will instead!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Never should on yourself,

because others are lining up to do that for you

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

The only thing wrong with my partner,

is my picture of how they should be

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

All of us are creative, some of us dare to share it.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

When people say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, it’s really their excuse for not changing. Even if the saying were true for dogs... and its not, human brains are capable of learning our whole lives. There is no excuse for not changing damaging, destructive or hurtful behaviour.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

 

The art of being grateful and graceful for what we have is mastered by few and needed by all.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

There are many roads to happiness, the only choice that can't work is to take no road at all.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

If you have done all that you can to negotiate a way to meet your needs and those of the other and are unable to come to a fair solution….then it may be time to end the relationship!
But only after doing all that you can!
Jeff Steedman 2015

 

"You learn from your mistakes" is a common saying, however all you really learn is that it didn’t work. Meaningful learning comes from self evaluating your actions and choosing a better way to deal with the situation next time.
Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviour does not prevent you seeking ideas and support from others. It just means you don’t blame them for how you feel and what you choose to do.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

One of the greatest pharmacological experiments ever undertaken is happening before our eyes. I can foresee a royal commission in years to come, investigating why we drugged a generation of healthy children who didn’t behave the way we wanted them to. There is a better way!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

I know you mean well when you tell me what you think I should do,

you just don’t realise that satisfying your picture for me is not the same as satisfying my picture for me.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Taking responsibility for my own happiness gives me freedom from the control of others.
Jeff Steedman 2015
 
No matter how many pills we take, in the end, achieving happiness still depends on us choosing to change those behaviours which are currently not working in our life!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

No one has the ability to make me do anything I don’t want to…..

unless l let them! 

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Boss managers might get the job done…..

but lead managers will get it done with the best results.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

We can waste energy trying too hard to figure out why things happen,

or we can invest energy trying to figure out what to do about them!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

I don't have to be perfect, but I trust myself to be the best I can at any particular time!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Many plans make life work

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Power is personal and internal, truly powerful people do not need, or try, to dominate and control others.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Valuing others and supporting them to become the best they can be,

helps us become the best we can be too.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

There is no need and no place for punishment in any healthy relationship,

whether at home, school or workplace.

Jeff Steedman 2015 

 

Unfortunately the things we do which create connection,

are often the first things we drop when times get tough!

Jeff Steedman 2015 

 

Life is at its best when we know how to do ordinary well!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

The voice in our heads is by far the most destructive force in our world, fortunately it is our own voice and we all have the ability to choose what we tell ourselves!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

If workplaces put as much focus on their managers relationship and leadership skills as they do their technical skills, then very quickly productivity would increase as both the quality and quantity of the business outcomes improve.

Jeff Steedman 2015

  

Try connecting rather than threatening and controlling!

I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised at the results!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

There is another way!

Business needs to create relationships with workers so they feel they are connected with, important to and belong in, the organisation!

Disconnection is the greatest impediment to productivity!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Every time a business or government seeks to improve profitability, they look at what they can squeeze out of workers by taking away wages or conditions.

This is the least effective way to improve the bottom line, sure it looks good for a short time, but long term it leads to disgruntled workers who have disconnected from the organisation and its message.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

The price to be paid when you win 

Is that somebody else loses!
That may be ok if you don’t care about them,
But it's not ok if you do!
Because every time they lose, the relationship also loses,
Which means you lose as well!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

"You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometimes, 

You just might find,

You get what you need!"

Those rock philosophers the Rolling Stones had it right all those years ago. You don’t have to get what you want, only what you need.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

It's interesting how every New Year so many of us wish for a better following year.

And that's ok if we take the time to turn that wish into a plan and that plan into action!

However, if it remains merely a wish, there is a fair chance we will be wishing the same thing when the next New Year comes around!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

It doesn’t matter how loudly a coach or personal trainer screams at, cajoles, or rewards you. In the end, the motivation to succeed comes from within.

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

In our relationships, it’s important that we cease using the disconnecting habits of criticising, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing and rewarding for control. It’s probably best to eliminate using them in our relationship with ourselves first of all!

Jeff Steedman 2015

 

Christmas can be a time of joy, or a time of unhappiness.

It comes down to how well we believe our picture of how it should be is being met.

If it doesn’t feel good, there are four things we can do, change our perceptions, change our behaviours or change our picture of how things should be.

Of course the fourth thing we can do is stay miserable!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The past has everything to do with who we are and how we got to where we are, but unless we allow it, does not determine where we will end up or who we will become!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Selfish- My needs are more important than your needs and it is your job to meet them!

Selfless- Your needs are more important than my needs and it is my job to meet them 

Self accepting- Our needs are equally important, and each of us is responsible for meeting our own with some support from the other

  Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 Lucky people are open to the opportunities around them and are prepared to take a risk by acting upon them

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 No matter what religious or philosophical viewpoint you have, it remains true that the purpose of life is to live it as well as you can. Right here, right now!"

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Don't take your partner for granted! Your relationship is a gift, which will keep on giving to both of you, as long as you care for and nurture it!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Giving a hand does not mean taking over!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

When we meet a potential new partner, we can be tempted to hide aspects of who we are, or behave in ways that don’t reflect what matters to us or bring us joy, for fear that they will dislike or disapprove of us. What a shame if we do choose to hide our true self, as they never will get the chance to truly love us for who we are. And when that is gone we can never experience the true depths a relationship can reach!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Love is a verb, not a noun! It is not something that happens to you, it is something you create, 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Love is all the little things you do, not merely what you say! Saying I love you is not enough, you must be loving in all your actions!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 Guilt never fixed anything! When we feel guilty, it is wise to choose an action, to do something constructive. For it is only by choosing such action that things will improve!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 The most effective weapon against terrorism is connection; the belief that you are safe and secure in your community; the knowledge that you are accepted and included in your neighbourhood; the understanding that you are free from oppressive control and coercion; the opportunity to grow, learn and enjoy your life; the provision of pathways to achieve and be successful. If these needs are met in an individuals life, then it becomes much harder for terrorists to recruit that person to their ranks!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

No one needs to motivate another human being to learn. We are all born learners, the motivation to learn is intrinsic. Just because I am not excited to learn what you think I should learn, does not mean I'm not motivated 

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The healthiest and happiest relationships exist when each person knows it is in their interest to accept the others needs and work cooperatively with them in finding fair ways to meet them. Getting what they need doesn't mean they will always get what they want. This is particularly true, when those needs seem quite different to our own.

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

When all else fails, connect with the people around you, because no matter how hard this may seem, it is the best way to meet your needs!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Fear of not getting our needs met is why we hold back in a relationship, or sometimes don't go into a relationship at all! And that doesn't make sense, for it is only through being connected that we can meet our needs long term!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The next time someone says they want to give you an objective opinion, run a mile! Because everybody's opinion is subjective and anyone who thinks theirs is not is kidding themselves.

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Don't worry too much about your destination in life, because none of us can be sure where that might be! Just make sure that each step you choose is as good as you can make it and wherever you end up will be the best it possibly can be!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

There would be no conflict if we didn't know better than the other what is right for them!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

It is better to ask and find out, than to assume and get it wrong!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

I am the owner/builder of my own happiness; I have a picture of what I need in my mind; I am the architect who creates the plan; I am the engineer who overcomes the challenges; I am the supplier who provides the material; I am the builder who constructs the framework; I am the electrician who inputs the energy; I am the painter who applies the finishing touch; I am the inspector who monitors the progress; I am the owner who enjoys the outcome. I am the owner/builder of my own happiness!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Whether you like it or not, you will change! You can let it happen to you, or you can embrace it and make it work for you! There is some pain and effort involved in taking charge of change, but a lot more pain and effort occurs when we let the winds of change blow us wherever they will!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

While change in our life is certain, how we deal with that change is our choice! 

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

We can choose angering when we believe others are behaving badly, in which case things will become a bit worse! Or we can choose calm, in which case things will become a little bit better! It's our choice! 

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The very best leaders know the secret to success is to have great relationships with those they lead!

 Jeff Steedman 2013

 

It may feel as though you have no control when you become ill, however it is true that how well you do from that point on is up to you! Your thoughts and actions have a direct effect on your feelings and physiology! So giving up, or being passive or negative is the worst possible option you could choose

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The very best relationships are built on trust, but the foundation of trust must be in place first, before the structure of the relationship is built upon it. Many try to build the relationship first, hoping the trust will come later, then wonder why their relationship is unsound!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

When redundancy strikes, everything can seem dark and hopeless. Remember though, like the lone tree on the stormy plain, this too will pass. The sun will shine again and the tree remain standing, strong with the life force inside!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

With over 7 billion people in the world today, the chance of finding your soul mate is slim indeed! But don't despair, because soul mates are created not found! How we treat each other in a relationship determines whether we become soul mates or not, and that is very good news indeed!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Through the behaviour you choose, you can influence the world....one moment at a time...one person at a time

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Competent teachers teach curriculum, great teachers teach kids!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

The end of a relationship is really the beginning....of the next stage in your life. How good that becomes is up to you!

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Great bosses never boss.....they lead

 Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 Inside all of us there is an inner personal GPS! When we stray from the things that matter the most to us, our principles and beliefs, our GPS will signal we are off course and if we listen to it, guide us back to the path which is right for us.

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

With so many people around me saying they lose their temper, I am wondering why the world is not a far more pleasant place, full of Zen masters and Buddhist monks! For surely if we have truly lost our temper, then our temper is gone, and we can't be angry! We would all become calm, loving and peaceful. The truth is, what we are really doing is finding our temper and choosing to use it to try to get what we want.

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

 Love is when we care for another, we care for ourselves and we care for the relationship. We must always remember, that unlike us, the relationship can't speak for itself, or take any action to nurture itself. It relies upon us to do that for it.

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

We should always remember....no matter how badly we are treated, that most people, most of the time, are mostly good!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

Friendship can withstand anything....except controlling behaviour!

Jeff Steedman 2014

 

If a group of people is viewing the same event, each of them will have a different perception of that event and all of them will be convinced their perception is the truth. It is clear then, that what we call the truth,  is simply our perception at that time and is different and precious for each of us

Jeff Steedman 2013

 

 Birthdays are neither good nor bad, they just happen. How we choose to see them and how we choose to celebrate is entirely up to us! I like to think of each birthday as another step on my life path with a new opportunity around the next corner. I am looking forward to the next adventure and know that whatever comes, I will choose to make it the best I can. Happy birthdays are a choice!

Jeff Steedman 2013

 

Every time you choose to wake up happy....you are sure to have the best day possible!

Jeff Steedman 2013

 

A family is a group of individuals who help each other meet their needs. Some members may be genetically connected, but others are not. So family is something we create, not just something we are born into! 

 Jeff Steedman 2013

 

In real estate, the rule is position, position, position! With people it's relationship, relationship, relationship!

 Jeff Steedman 2013

 

Don't worry! If plan A doesn't work, there is always plan B.....and if that doesn't work there are all of the other letters of the alphabet......and numbers too!  

 Jeff Steedman 2013

 

 

 

"Quality always feels good"

William Glasser

 

 

I am responsible for my own happiness

 

 

No one has the power to make me do anything I don't want to

 

 

Boss managers get the job done.....lead managers get it done with the best results.

 

 

There is no need and no place for punishment in a healthy relationship, school or workplace.