I recently read a fascinating report about the world’s longest research into happiness carried out by scientists at Harvard University. The study followed and tracked the lives of 724 participants and their descendants from 1938 to the current day, a period of 85 years.
The researchers were looking to see if they could discover what was the major factor in determining happiness. Study director Dr. Waldinger says positive relationships keep us happier, healthier and help us live longer.
“People who do the best, who are happiest and healthiest maintain their relationships,” Dr. Waldinger said.
This is great news, because healthy connections with others is something which is available to all of us all of the time. We don’t need to be wealthy or powerful to have great relationships, we just need to be prepared to put in the effort to reach out to people and to keep reaching out to them, so our connections remain healthy and strong. Too many of us expect relationships to work whilst not making any effort to nurture them.
A relationship is a real entity, as real as you and I. Whilst we can’t see or touch it, it is nevertheless a tangible but relatively fragile thing that needs us to care for it and tend its needs. It can’t do anything for itself, a relationship can’t speak for itself or take any action to improve itself, it relies on us to do that for it.
It is a truism that when people are unhappy, they tend to do things which either alienate those around them or lead them to isolate themselves from the connection which is essential to their wellbeing. One of the most common features of those who are depressing is that they don’t maintain relationships with the very people who could help them. They say they are too tired, sad, anxious, or give any number of reasons why it is all too hard. This helplessness may lead to initial attention from those around them, but if the person does not take some responsibility and make some effort, eventually others will tire of the one sided relationship and the situation will worsen.
Some of the happiest people in the world live in the slums of Mumbai in India. They have little in the way of material possessions, despite this their happiness is maintained through their relationships with family and friends. Everyone can reach out and connect, it does make a difference.