Gaslighting is a term many of us would not be familiar with, but the behaviour it describes is something we have all experienced or seen happening, even if we were not aware of it at the time. The term comes from a 1944 psychological film classic of the same name. The plot involves a husband who manipulates the home environment, including turning down the gaslights to convince his wife that she is going insane. He changed things regularly then pretended that he hadn’t, and that everything was exactly the way it had always been.
The term gaslighting was taken from the title of the film and is now used to describe the behaviours of someone who is trying to control another by undermining their belief in their own agency and competency.
Gaslighting can be very subtle and pervasive. It usually involves the perpetrator sowing seeds of doubt in the targets mind. This can involve things like challenging their memory of things that have occurred, so they begin to think they imagined them. Or perhaps pretending they have a very different perception of events and occurrences which leaves the target doubting their ability to understand what is happening around them. These actions can be carried out gradually over a long period of time and are often so subtle the target doesn’t realise what is happening. Often, they will begin to doubt their very sanity and feel helpless and hopeless as they begin to distrust their own thoughts, behaviours and decisions.
So, who carries out gaslighting? It is often believed that it is men doing it to women, but any person can use gaslighting as a way of undermining another. Individuals can do it to their partner, parents can do it to their children, and it is often seen in the form of elder abuse, which is particularly damaging if the target already has some cognitive deterioration due to the aging process. Another regular feature of gaslighting is gradually separating the target from others they trust and who care about them, isolation and dependency are commonly used as the tools of the gaslighter.
Why do people gaslight? It is all about control! The perpetrator is looking to undermine the target to gain control over them as they lose confidence and a belief in their ability to function.
When gaslighting is suspected, connect with a trusted person and check your perceptions to confirm whether what you think is occurring is in fact happening and seek professional assistance.