Anger is as relevant a feeling as any of the positive feelings we experience. It exists for a reason and is an important part of the fight flight response to perceived threat. When presented with a threat our primitive brain makes a quick assessment. If we think we can win, or are cornered and believe we have no option, we will choose to fight. On the other hand, if we think we will lose and have the opportunity we will choose to flee, or freeze, which is a kind of internal fleeing.
The important point is that even though we think we have no choice; in reality we always do. It is our perception of threat that determines which of the options we choose, and even though this is controlled in the first micro seconds by our primitive brain, everything we do after that is a result of our continuing to choose destructive behaviour.
Make no mistake, fight is destructive, it is meant to be as it is our defence mechanism, and whilst there is a place for that in a life or death situation, there is no place for it otherwise and never with those we care about. Because angering is such a powerful emotion, it often feels as though we have little or no control over it, but as we will see that is not really the case.
Owning your anger is about recognising there is a difference between feeling anger and angering, the physical component of flight. Feeling anger is your system telling you there is something wrong. Most threats are not physical, but threats to who and how we see ourselves, becoming aware of this might be all we need to do.
Our primitive brain can learn to recognise new threats and can also learn to remove things we no longer perceive as a threat. This means that we can consciously choose to change how we recognise threat over time and with practice no longer choose angering.
Remember, nobody can make you angry, it is how you think about a situation that determines if you will feel anger, and you are in control of how you choose to think. When something outrageous occurs, it might be appropriate to feel angry, but unless there is an immediate physical threat to life, there should never be a need to choose angering or fight .