“It can be very lonely on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a partner. What can I do to make it better? From J.”
Valentine’s day can be challenging for those who see it as a day which drives home that they are alone. The commercialisation of Valentine’s Day and the Social Media which now surrounds it adds greatly to our perception that the day is only for couples to express and share their love. If this is the view we choose to have on this day and we are alone, it may certainly seem that we are missing out. We may even take the illogical view that everyone else has someone, it’s just me who doesn’t. It is our perception of this day and our picture of what it should be about that is the real cause of the distress or discomfort we might feel.
If we do feel unhappy at the thought of a Valentine’s day alone, then we can look at our perception of what the day is. There’s no immutable rule in any law or in the laws of the universe that state it is only for couples or lovers. Over the years we have come to ascribe this meaning to it, but you can attach any other meaning that you want. Increasingly people are choosing to think of it as a day where you can express platonic love and affection for anyone you feel a close connection to. We could choose to see it as an opportunity to celebrate that, while we may be alone, we don’t have to feel lonely. There are many who choose to enjoy life on their own terms and neither want nor need a partner to feel complete. Of course, there are also those who reject the whole concept of Valentine’s Day and instead prefer to recognise and value those they care about every day of the year.
We could also pay attention to what we have on this day and value the relationships we already have, as well as our relationship with ourselves. Focussing on what we think others have, which is often just an illusion, rather than what have in our own life, is a certain path to unhappiness. Recognise the good people you have in your life, as well as your connection to pets, community, and the environment around you. Take the time to celebrate your place in this web of connection and know that you are never truly lonely unless you choose to think you are.
Finally, think about and make changes in what you choose to do on this day. Organise a catch up with friends or family. You could take some time to do some self-love, perhaps take a walk with your dog along the beach, or a stroll in our beautiful temperate rainforests, or take a paddle along our rivers and on our lakes. You are unlikely to feel alone when you see the Sea Eagles wheeling in the sky or the water dragons scuttling to safety as the cockatoos talk to you from the trees. Whatever you do, I hope you choose to have a happy day.