Thanks for your question G, it is a frustrating piece of advice, isn’t it? Someone tells you to “Just stop overthinking,” as if you can flick a switch and your mind will suddenly go quiet. Most people who struggle with this already know they are stuck in their thoughts, the problem is not awareness, it is knowing what to do next.
Let’s start by clearing something up, the term “overthinking” is misleading, the issue is not that you are thinking too much. As human beings, we are always thinking, that is what our minds do. Trying to stop thinking altogether is like trying to stop your heart from beating, it is not realistic, and it is not helpful. A better way to understand this is to realise that it is not about how much you are thinking, it is about what you are thinking and what you do with your thinking.
When your thinking is useful, you plan, reflect, solve problems, and move forward in meeting your needs, when it is not useful, you tend to go around in circles. You might find yourself worrying about things that have not happened, replaying things that already have, or trying to find the perfect decision where no perfect option exists. You can spend a lot of energy without getting anywhere. The reason this feels so exhausting is that your body responds to your thoughts as if they are real events, if your mind is focused on what might go wrong, your system gears up as though it is already happening. That can be helpful in short bursts, but when it becomes a pattern, it drains you.
So, if the goal is not to stop thinking, what can you do? A helpful starting point is to become more aware of the direction your thinking is taking you. You might ask yourself, “Is this thinking helping me right now?” Not in a harsh or critical way, but simply as an observation. If your thinking is leading to a clear decision or action, then it is doing its job, if it is just going around in circles, then it may be time to shift.
This is where your personal choice comes in. While we don’t always have immediate conscious control over the thoughts that we create, we do have total control over what we do with them. We can choose whether to stay with a thought, build on it, or move our attention elsewhere, in time we can even develop and practice more useful thinking patterns. Sometimes it means taking a small action instead of trying to think your way to certainty. Sometimes it means accepting that you cannot control every outcome. Sometimes it simply means bringing your attention back to what is in front of you, rather than what might happen or what has already passed.
It is worth remembering that a thought is just a thought, it is not a prediction, it is not a fact, and we don’t have to act on it. The more we treat every thought as something that must be solved or believed, the more stuck we can feel. Instead of trying to “stop overthinking,” a more helpful goal is to start thinking in a way that works for you. Thinking that leads you somewhere, rather than keeping you stuck. Once you make that shift, even in small ways, you will find your mind doesn’t have to be quiet for you to feel at ease.