Many people nowadays seem less comfortable having a face to face conversation than sending a text message. Technology has given us many wonderful ways to stay connected, even over great distances, but there is growing evidence that our increasing reliance on texting is changing the way we communicate and not always for the better. Text messages seem to be quick, convenient and efficient. They allow us to communicate across distances in seconds. The problem is that human communication was never designed to rely solely on words appearing on a screen. We have developed the ability to communicate with our whole body, not just our thumbs.
When we sit with another person, we receive a constant stream of information that helps us understand what is really being communicated. We notice facial expressions, body language, eye contact, tone of voice, pauses, gestures and even subtle shifts in posture. These signals provide the feedback that helps us adjust what we are saying and how we are saying it. Imagine telling a joke. When the other person smiles, laughs or leans forward, you know they are engaged. If they look confused or uncomfortable, you immediately adjust. This feedback happens automatically and subconsciously and forms an important part of all effective communication.
Texting removes most of this information. We are left with words and perhaps the occasional emoji, the result is that misunderstanding becomes more frequent. A brief response may be interpreted as anger. A delayed reply may be seen as rejection. A harmless comment may be read as criticism. Without non-verbal cues, we are often forced to guess what the other person means. What concerns me is the long term effect this is having on our communication skills. Like any skill, communication improves through practice. When people spend less time engaged in face to face conversations and verbal interactions, they have fewer opportunities to develop the ability to read and respond to non-verbal cues.
Teachers, employers and parents report that many people are finding it harder to maintain eye contact, participate in conversations or recognise emotional signals in others. While texting is not the only reason for this change, it is certainly contributing. The conventions of normal conversation are learned through experience. We learn when to speak, when to listen, how to take turns, how to recognise when someone wishes to contribute and how to respectfully disagree. These skills are difficult to develop through text based communication where responses may arrive seconds, hours or even days later and aren’t enriched by our non-verbal responses
We humans have a deep need for connection and belonging. Meaningful relationships are usually strengthened through rich communication, not simply the exchange of information. Face to face conversations allow us to feel heard, understood and valued in ways that text messages often cannot replicate. I am not suggesting we abandon texting, it is a useful tool and has earned its place in modern life. I believe we need to be more intentional about balancing digital communication with live, face to face conversations. A phone call, hanging out while sitting on the front fence or deliberately meeting to talk with someone will do more for our relationships and communication skills than a hundred text messages ever could. The ability to communicate effectively remains one of life’s most important skills. It would be a shame if convenience and lack of practice resulted in us losing the skill to do it well.