Each new Christmas comes around with the hope of a happy and joyous time with family and friends. Sometimes this is the case and it will be enjoyed, but often hopes are dashed and emotions crushed as the experience doesn’t match the expectation.
Rather than learning from this, people will often go through the same process year after year in the forlorn hope that somehow, magically that year will be different. When it is not, they sadly retreat into an unhappy state, often swearing to never do it again, only to front up again the following year with renewed hope for a better experience.
So how do we deal with this? Some opt for retreating into loneliness and isolation, preferring the dull pain of loss to the sharp pain of disappointment. Some put on a fixed smile and act with joie de vivre even though inside they are hurting, while yet others will use alcohol to dull the senses and bring on a temporary sense of bonhomie. Whatever coping mechanisms are chosen they won’t really work because they are not dealing with the real issue. There is a mismatch between our picture of how we would like Christmas to be and our perception of how it is. This mismatch must be dealt with or we will continue with our unhappy experience.
The only thing we can truly control is ourselves. Specifically, there are three things we can do to make our Christmas [and other occasions] a much better experience. We can change the picture we have put in our heads regarding what a happy Christmas looks like. We can change the behaviours we have so far been using to achieve that picture, or we can change our perception regarding the experience itself.
In practice we may do one or all of those three things. We can alter our picture of how Christmas should be, the songs, movies and stories which inform our picture are not the only options open to us. We could look at our own behaviour and figure out how to do things differently in the future, we don’t focus on others behaviour even if it is unreasonable, because we have little control over what others do. Finally, we can look at what we have got rather than what we haven’t and take the time to celebrate and enjoy what is rather than what isn’t. I wish you all the best possible Christmas.