In modern society many men are at a loss as to how to behave, they are ambivalent about their identity and roles in society and are overly influenced by the simple models they find on social media. An example of this is to be found in the comments of Andrew Tate amongst others, who promote aggressive and misogynistic views which are couched in terms and images that are simplistic and attractive to young men who are looking for role models. This is worsened by those who label all men as toxic and dangerous, it becomes too easy to just give up and think that if that’s how I’m judged I might as well act like it.
But what do the terms toxic and tonic mean? Toxic means something which is damaging to your health or wellbeing. Tonic on the other hand is something which is of benefit to you and has a positive and restorative effect on your health and wellbeing.
With many young men having few, if any, male role models in their life, it becomes enticing for them to see the hypermasculine roles presented in movies, games, on TV and in social media as the ideal. This is exacerbated further with a constant commentary about males and male behaviour which casts really poor examples as the norm. How often do we see stories about men who have great relationships with their female colleagues, wives and daughters as well as with other men being highlighted and shared? The opposite is what we usually see, particularly in the news and it leads to a belief that this must be what men are like.
Most men are actually not toxic. We need to highlight and celebrate the tonic males in our lives and the good they bring to their relationships. I invite you to look around you at the men you see in your life. I believe that unless you are incredibly unfortunate or overly critical in how you see men and their behaviour, the number of males behaving in a toxic manner are far fewer than the tonic males you know.
All change starts with what each of us does personally. Let’s start recognising and celebrating the tonic males we have in our lives. Recognition of good qualities is a far greater stimulus to change than criticism of bad ones.