One of the most distressing things people experience in life is the waxing and waning of their relationships and friendships. From a very early age we are exposed to the fragile changing nature of relationships. One minute in prep grade we are someone’s BFF and just moments after we begin basking in the glorious warmth of that status, the rug is pulled from under our feet as our new BFF moves on to another friend and we are cast aside.
To a greater or lesser extent this continues throughout our life. Many friendships have a sunset clause built into them even though we are not aware of that until they end. The friendship could be based on transitory interests or connections which are formed at particular junctures in our life. For example, the friendships we had in secondary school where we swore we would stay friends for the rest of our lives, only to realise that we now only connect with them infrequently, if at all, because they now have different interests and values to us. There is nothing wrong with this, it is a very normal process, however if we have a picture that friendships always stay the same and are unbreakable, we are likely to feel very disappointed when they don’t live up to this.
Of course, not all friendships are fated to end like this, but it is a fair bet that for most of us many of them will. For a friendship to last, we would need to grow into the new relationship’s parameters. This requires us to make subtle adjustments and negotiations as well as having a preparedness to accept and support the changes which are occurring at the same time in our friend as they too grow and change. If you have managed to maintain a true friendship for a very long time, which has at its base the connecting behaviours of supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating differences fairly, then you should really value what the two of you have created, because it takes effort to be willing to continue to do this over a long period.
A great way to look at friendships is to think of them as gifts which we both give and receive and enjoy them in the moments they exist. If we use the connecting habits described above, we are likely to have the healthiest and most satisfying friendships possible, no matter how long they last.