Why External Control Is the Biggest Problem in Relationships.
According to psychiatrist William Glasser, every human being is driven by five basic psychological needs: survival, love and belonging, power (or significance), freedom, and fun(learning and growing). When these needs are not met, people experience distress—and often this distress manifests in our relationships. The most damaging force in any relationship is external control, the attempt […]
The Purpose of Life: Living Fully in the Here and Now
A common question many of my clients who are depressing or miserabling ask is what is the point of it all? Here is my take on this age old question In the endless search for meaning, one truth emerges with compelling clarity: the purpose of life is to live it—fully, honestly, and as well as […]
Is Multitasking Really Productive?
For people obsessed with efficiency, multitasking has long been celebrated as the gold standard of productivity. Juggling emails while attending meetings, responding to texts while writing reports — these behaviours are often seen as hallmarks of a high-performing individual. But mounting research says otherwise: multitasking isn’t just overrated; it’s actually undermining your performance. Numerous studies […]
Do narcissistic behaviours appear differently in men and women?
From my Ask Jeff Newspaper column Thanks M, that is a really topical question. I am increasingly seeing that people are being labelled as Narcissistic. Characterized by behaviours such as a grandiose sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, narcissistic behaviour can appear differently depending on gender. While narcissistic behaviour can […]
How can I trust you?
In my counselling work the question of trust arises often. It could be between life partners; a parent and their child, or it could be in regard to business agreements or between colleagues. It is a word which is used often but poorly understood. Many a person has angrily stated they want the person in […]
Ask Jeff- Dealing with a critical work colleague.
I have a work colleague who is always making unneeded suggestions about my work. How do I stop this? I’ve tried asking them, telling them I don’t like it, being cold and unresponsive and even getting annoyed and showing my annoyance. Thanks R Hi R. It can be really challenging when we have work colleagues […]
Q How do I know if my relationship is worth keeping?
Hi TM, thanks for your question. Sometimes we persist with a relationship which deep down we know is not really working for us. We do this because at some level we know that though it may be meeting some of our needs, it is either not meeting them very well, or in some cases is […]
Body image, there is no perfect!
Q How do I deal with my body image concerns? Thanks S. Hi S, this is an increasing issue as technology and social media now allow people to create picture perfect images of celebrities and influencers. These images are often digitally enhanced, and this has become almost impossible to detect as AI is increasingly used […]
Q? How do I choose a counsellor to help me and what can I expect from them? Regards, A
Dear A, there are many different ways that counselling can be performed, whether that is carried out by a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor. The main thing you should be taking into account is the relationship you are able to form with them. It should be warm and supportive whilst still professional and not overstepping the […]
All relationships have conflict
Many clients are surprised when I share this information with them. Often, they come to counselling because they want a relationship without conflict. When I tell them this is not possible they are dumbfounded. Sometimes they tell me I am wrong and point out that in the beginning they had a great relationship without arguments […]