Thanks for the question, T. For example, have you ever spent an hour talking with someone on Zoom, only to finish feeling unsatisfied? You have seen their face, heard their voice, exchanged ideas and perhaps even shared a laugh. However, it doesn’t feel quite the same as sitting across the table from them. We enjoy a cup of coffee and a good old-fashioned conversation. This difference affects the sense of connection. Why is that?
Indeed, the answer relates to how we humans are wired. It also reflects what we need to live happy, satisfying lives. Additionally, one of our most important psychological needs is love and belonging. We want to feel a connection to others. We want to know that we matter, that someone cares. And we want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. Relationships are central to this need; however, not all contact satisfies it equally.
When we meet someone face-to-face, we communicate in ways that go beyond the words we speak. Additionally, we notice the little smile, the raised eyebrow, the warmth in someone’s voice. We observe posture and those fleeting expressions that tell us how they are feeling.
We make eye contact, laugh together and sometimes offer a reassuring touch. This creates connection. Much of this information is missing or diminished when we communicate through a screen.
Interestingly, our brains are constantly interpreting these subtle signals, helping us understand others and feel connected to them.
On Zoom, even a slight delay can interrupt that natural rhythm.
Moreover, we may miss subtle expressions or concentrate so hard on the screen that the conversation becomes tiresome.
Social media presents another challenge.
A hundred likes on Facebook might give us a momentary feeling of recognition.
However, do these provide same value as someone looking you in the eye and saying, ‘I appreciate what you did’?
I suspect most of us know the answer.
Of course, technology has enormous benefits.
It allows us to maintain relationships across vast distances.
Additionally, it lets us connect with family overseas and work collaboratively without travelling.
For people who are isolated or have difficulty getting out, it can be a lifeline.
The important thing to understand is that technology is simply a tool.
Whether it helps us satisfy our needs depends largely on how we choose to use it.
We cannot force someone to establish a connection with us. Still, we can choose behaviours that make meaningful connections more likely. We can put down our phones, give someone our undivided attention, and listen to understand. The real issue isn’t whether Zoom or social media is good or bad. It is whether we use these tools to strengthen our face-to-face relationships. Or whether they become substitutes for the connection we need. There is a world of difference between being in contact with someone and genuinely connecting with them.