I recently attended a conference where I heard Professor Selena Bartlett speak.
Have you ever heard someone say, “That’s just the way I am, I’ve always been like this, and I’m too old to change”? Perhaps you’ve even said something similar yourself. According to Australian neuroscientist Professor Selena Bartlett, there’s some very good news. Our brains are capable of changing throughout our lives, and we have considerably more influence over that process than we might imagine.
For many years, scientists believed that once we reached adulthood, our brains were pretty much fixed, we now know that’s not true. Our brains are constantly changing in response to what we do, what we think, what we practise and what we experience. This remarkable ability is called neuroplasticity. Professor Bartlett’s work explores how stress, habits and everyday behaviour influence the brain, and how understanding these processes can help us improve our wellbeing.
Think about that for a moment, every time we repeatedly think or behave in a particular way, we’re strengthening the neural pathways associated with that activity. The more frequently we use those pathways, the more familiar and automatic those responses will become. It’s a bit like walking through a paddock of long grass. The first time you cross it, you have to push your way through. If you walk the same route every day, eventually a well-worn path develops. Our brains work in a similar way as we develop our neural pathways.
Now consider what this means for our behaviour. If I’ve spent years responding to disagreement by becoming angry, blaming others or withdrawing, those responses may have become deeply ingrained habits. They can feel automatic, almost as though I have no choice. Here’s the exciting point, just because a behaviour has become habitual doesn’t mean I’m stuck with it. I can develop a different response.
Instead of immediately reacting when someone says something I don’t like, I might ask myself, “What am I thinking about what’s happening here? Is that thinking helping me? Could I choose a more useful response?” This is where neuroscience and Choice Theory come together very nicely. Choice Theory teaches us that while we cannot control other people’s behaviour, we have considerable influence over our own. It also informs us that our behaviour is our best attempt in that moment, to meet our needs.
Neuroscience strengthens this understanding. Through repeatedly practising more successful ways of thinking and behaving, we can gradually strengthen the brain pathways supporting those choices. Of course, changing longstanding habits isn’t easy, our emotional reactions occur very quickly, and not everything happening in our brains is under conscious control, but with awareness, practice and persistence, change is possible.
There’s another encouraging aspect to all this, age doesn’t disqualify us. Although the brain changes as we grow older, it retains its ability to learn and adapt. The next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just the way I am,” you might consider a different thought. “Is this the way I want to continue being?” Because the choices we practise today will help shape the person we become tomorrow.